Five Things I Just Don't Understand
Sunday, August 30, 2009 at 09:48PM As I wait for a galley copy of In Search of Monsters, I’ve found myself with a little more free time than I’m used to. Time to think about some of the great mysteries of the Universe. So I decided to put together a list of some things that I just don’t understand and probably never will, no matter how much time I have to think about them.
How the original Nintendo Zapper worked 
Okay so let me get this straight…you take this plastic gun, plug into a gaming console circa 1985 and suddenly you can shoot flying ducks on your TV screen. Any TV screen. Nothing special about the TV at all. Think about that for a few minutes and tell me your head doesn’t hurt.
And on another note, why were we able to develop this technology 25 years ago but yet in today’s modern world I’m still not able to get cell phone reception in my own house while I’m sitting still?
“Cold activated” beer cans
You know the ones I’m talking about, where the “Rockies turn blue when the beer is cold.” Who exactly needs these? Are they for people who’ve lost their sense of touch through some terrible industrial accident? Or just too lazy to actually reach over and grab the beer can?
How we decided on artificial fruit flavors
Ever notice how the candy flavors of grape, watermelon, and banana taste nothing at all like the fruits we named them after? But yet all grape candy tastes alike? Who decided that would be the universal “grape” flavor? Or “watermelon” for that matter? It seems like they could have gotten at least a little closer. It can’t be but so hard. It’s like they sort of got the flavor right, then just decided to give up forever.
The rules of hockey 
I think my Dad has explained to me how icing works at least a dozen times. And it still makes no sense. And what’s the difference between fighting and roughing? Or slashing and high sticking? And why is it sometimes okay to slam a guy into the glass and other times it's cross checking or boarding?
How “Keep off the grass” signs get where they are
I mean, didn’t someone have to break the very rule they’re trying to enforce to place that sign?
Reader Comments (4)
Here's one more, oh great monster searcher. Expiration dates on bottled water. Yep. Ruminate on that one.
I like Ron White's line - "You know those sex offender signs? Where can I get me one of those for my yard? It'll keep the kids off the lawn, that's for sure."
LOL! Those were great. The second one you can ponder with Alan at Thanksgiving since he insist it's the best thing ever. But it is Alan were talking about ;)
i know why there are expiration dates on bottled water! that's not a big puzzler. Blame New Jersey, sorry Sal and you other Yankees. Apparently in 1987 New Jersey passed a state law that required all foods sold in the state - legally water is food because its a regulated source - to print an expiration date. The law said the printed expiration date had to be two years or less from production. Because big box places and distributors still wanted to sell to New Jersey rather than write them off like a good portion of the US does - apparently Mr. Walmart couldn't stand to lose any money, as if he was broke already - so they started stamping dates on everything no matter where the product traveled the highway to. Funny thing is that bill was repealed in 2006 but we got so used to seeing that expiration date and manufacturers already had it a part of their process that the bottle of water still remains stamped with an arbitrary date. Now the environmentally friendly, tree hugger in me wants to know who is drinking bottled water two years old? Splurge and get yourself something newer, fresher - that two year old bottle of water isn't going to be as great as the one you bought last week for one and two have you not thought about the migration of chemicals from that bottle of water over the two years it was packed either in the back of your cabinet or lost on a Walmart shelf? Seriously save the planet and go buy a stainless steel bottle you can refill for your tasty refreshments.